Why I Keep Going . . .

Every now and then I like to write a post that helps uncover a bit of the motive behind Planning Pretty.  My readers know by now that I love feminine decor, accessories, parties and baking. I love color, dainty textures, sweet flowers and soft details. I created a romantic world for myself to live and play against convention and expectations.  I learned these skills growing up, which later developed into passions and are now shaping my career.

What I do may seem frilly and senseless to some. Underneath all the products and pretty decor is a desire to create diversity and tolerance.  This world is getting crazier by the second.  So many people are mixing together and sometimes with little understanding of one another.  The only way things will ever get better is if we have an open mind and heart to the experiences and perspectives of others.  I share my voice, my style, my creativity with the world in hopes that someone sees I may not be too different from herself. That both of us love Anthropologie, hope to maintain a beautiful home, or struggle with the same issues of entrepreneurship.

Here’s the other side. I look around at lifestyle magazine covers, television segments/shows, blogs and see an absence.  There are beautiful women, in beautiful homes, with beautiful families and none of them look like me.  Now I’m not vain, searching for myself as reassurance, but a deep buried scar stings a little each time. Does someone like me deserve a pretty lifestyle like them? Am I allowed to have a pretty home with lots of light and beauty to fill it? Can I be a successful woman, wife and mother that loves to throw parties too?

It seems silly that these questions even cross my thoughts.  Of course I can do all those things.  I’m well educated, hard working, kind, have wonderful parents and a great husband. There’s no one directly telling me I can’t.  But, something happens in my subconscious. Somewhere deep in my psyche, these images of happiness seen in media teaches me that someone who looks like me can’t have this lifestyle.  I know I’m not the only who feels this way either. I’ve spoken to friends about decor and entertaining.  They expressed that they aren’t able to decorate the way they want their homes to look.  I ask why and the usual response, “I can’t afford it”.  I completely understand and so I share a few tricks to find affordable decor at sales, flea markets, etc.  But still, there is a resistance, something beyond logic and reason.  It’s like something deep inside of them is saying “you can’t have this, you don’t deserve to live this way”.

It’s scientifically proven that decor and celebration can do wonders for our well being and happiness.  We know how good it feels to sit in a clean organized space or serve a meal to friends and family.  So if we can do these things, why don’t we?  Even beyond that, if we have opportunity to start our businesses and create our own path, why don’t we?  What is this fear standing in our way?

In this industry of lifestyle blogging, I have felt discouraged, at times, to push forward and grow. I wonder if people will like my work, gain enough support to keep growing and build a brand that will endure. Everyday myself, and other women like me, push boundaries and dispel stereotypes about women of color.  We work hard to maintain a positive image, and bring diverse voices to blogosphere.  It is subtle, but I hope powerful. As we become a part of the normal world of lifestyle, decor, entertaining, maybe we will start be seen as normal too.  Not different, unusual or rare.

Sometimes I’m afraid to grow my business, for fear that I won’t be accepted.  I skipped parties, conferences or meetings in the past.  I didn’t want to stick out like a sore thumb and feel self-conscious.  I am learning to get over this and benefit greatly at times for doing so. It is an ongoing struggle, but I don’t want someone else to deal with this nor want my future children to feel this way either.  So I keep showing up even when it’s uncomfortable.  I keep blogging and posting on social media even though I don’t have the followers or likes I need to fully support my blog.  I keep going to be an example, to open minds and destroy lines of division. I keep going to push beyond what is expected. I keep going because I hope that what I do inspires the next blogger, designer, stylist, photographer to follow her dream.  I don’t want anyone to feel the intimidation I’ve felt nor feel like they don’t belong in this space. More importantly, I don’t want anyone to feel that having a beautiful home and celebrating is beyond her social or economic class. Everyone deserves to have the life they want to live.

If blogging, styling, and creating is what I can do to make this world a better place, then I will keep going. I hope that my mere presence adds something, a positive image against an extremely disproportionate media portrayal. Maybe the more my face pops up on the internet, the more accepting people will be in the real world.  I am grateful to have met so many wonderful friends and women of all different backgrounds.  This space has the power to bring people together, to share our stories, our ideas.  It will bring us closer and help create a world that inspires us to fulfill our dreams.

My hope for essay is that you will gain a better understanding my work and mission. Please share with your friends, relatives, coworkers or anyone who struggles with fitting in, being the oddball.  I hope that sharing a little of my story makes your life a little easier.